warm and fuzzy moments by the fireside with miss hetfield
2003-11-29 - 1:17 a.m.
see, i've come to realize, i have a pedestal problem.
i was thinking this evening about how i set my sights on my beloved and place them on a beautiful pedestal. and even when i realize that they don't belong there, i have trouble taking them off of that ornate pedestal and bringing them down onto something that fits them better. like a soapbox.
am i doing that with amadeo? can't tell. i know that i think the world of him and that i am so incredibly happy. i see him as such a wonderful, sweet, endearing, gentle person. just absolutely wonderful. i have thought that of others before, yes. but generally, it was of those who had their flaws pointed out to me by people i knew.
nobody who knows amadeo had expressed any flaws of his to me (except for his not liking to attend rocky horror showings because he doesn't find the audience participation funny). everyone who's met him has only good things to say about him.
he treats me so well. he's even figured me out with my funny quirks, but does not judge me by them -- only accepts them and interacts with me accordingly.
so what do i see for the future for us? don't know. my paranoia is way too strong to let me believe that his adoration will last, much less believe that it is as strong as he professes (professes on his own w/out my prompt -- i never ask him what he feels for me or if it's true/he's sure). and no matter how much i look forward to the day i have a husband with whom i share everything, not only will i not let myself think that amadeo's the one, but i wouldn't be able to believe it right now if i wanted to do so.
so i'm going to do what i've been enjoying -- take my happiness and fun and run with it. enjoy it. grab onto it until i can't anymore. and only move on when it's truly time.
