a love/hate relationship with life
2004-10-31 - 5:02 p.m.
i'm sorry it's been so long since i've typed here. so much has changed.
i finally caught my angel amadeo. we've been together almost a year and a half now. silent bob and i have parted ways, and even thought it was so we could be friends, he sorta didn't keep his end of the bargin. so i gave up.
gave up on my degree but i'm still teaching highschool drumline. freakboy is no longer teaching with me. also waitressing/hostessing at a local pizza cafe.
i spend very little time with my old friends. i can't handle some of them anymore. time spent with them is very superficial and random. others are too far away to see and talk to much. three of whom are the three i love the most. most of those with whom i spend time are my amadeo's bandmates and friends.
i'm happy yet blue at the same time. i love many things in my life; amadeo, my students, my three beautiful cats, my music arrangements. but i'm constantly angry at myself for my inattentiveness and the chaos it inevitably creates in my life.
i don't hate my life. i don't hate life. i hate myself. i hate what i do with my life.
i love my amadeo. i love my kitties gabriel, mary, and elizabeth. i love my music. i love my arrangements. i love my books.
i'm so deeply in love with amadeo.
