self doubts
2005-03-14 - 9:28 p.m.
amadeo and i sat down the other night and talked.
he hit a spot of depression on saturday night, triggered by me. he said that he's been having more of that lately. and of course, it's at the exact same time as my self-doubts and personal issues. doubts about my role teaching the drumline. doubts about my role in our circle of friends. doubts about quite a lot more.
such bad timing on our parts. but it's that time of the season again. i've got my issues once in the summer, once in the fall, and once in the late winter/early spring. and amadeo just gets hit at the end of the winter really hard. when i get like this, i just want to pick up and go somewhere else and start over again. and have exactly the same self-doubts and problems. i know that nothing will ever change. i know that i'll never fix anything in my life, because there's really nothing to fix -- well, not the things that keep me up at night. the things i really need to change about myself don't really bother me much. and those just happen to be the things that are gonna keep people away, especially amadeo.
