not enough time and too much energy
2002-04-10 - 12:16 p.m.
i haven't done much here. i've been busy getting a new diary ready. i need a new place to put... stuff.
there's just no rest for the weary. i just have too many papers assigned and too many events and fundraisers to plan and run and not enough time to do it all.
my dreams are finally back to normal. malecide quit harassing me in my sleep a while ago, but it was just the night before last that my dreams returned to normal and i stopped waking in a foul mood. (if anyone is actually reading this, i know this and the next few paragraphs sound really odd. it's not meant to be understood by anyone but me. it is my diary after all.) the month of march is long gone, so i'm free of struggle for another two years. i'm just hoping that my crutch is around then.
monday night i found that even if my abilities to close off and travel may be gone, but power of energy control is growing. fire is a good test of that and i passed. no outbursts since the one focused at malecide. this is a good thing. i'm so afraid of killing someone with it. i was able to at least get my energy under control with that episode even if i couldn't stop my body, but it was still no excuse. next time, i might not be able to turn it off.
i need to find my center again. i'm losing my resolve and my path by listening to others and getting too involved in their paths. my walls are breaking down. i don't know what is causing it. malecide's invasion was acceptable and i understand it. but i'm not going to let other people peer inside and just take what they can get their hands on.
i'm hungry. i need food now.
